About Me

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The story that i wrote is involves the feelings of sentiment thus noted to be memorable as well as teaching. I have lots of ideas on my head but difficult to be expressed in words. I have a lots of things to say but my mouth just like can't be open when the pefect timing came as i'm a shy person. Now i figure out that blogging is the only way for me to share my opinions, some of my good thoughts and ideas to everyone who need it. Peace and enjoy reading! -13 y/o syaza,2008-

Saturday 11 August 2012

The 3 closes friend I had

Shazwanie,Jennysha and Sharifah would be the reason if i found out its hard to leave this place.Tq for being so nice to me through thick and thin.Tqsm dear friends. :)

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Thursday 9 August 2012

Grown up

Skrg,aku rasa aku dah matang,dah boleh fkr secara rasional.Hari hari aku dengar kutukkan orang terhadap diri aku.Fahmi,zul,adib,kamil,taufiq,icap.Kutuk,kena pandang slack.Padahal tak buat apa apa salah pun dekat korg.Tp mulut org kita tak boleh tutup.Aku terima je ape korang nk kutuk.Sakit hati tu mmg ada.Malah,sakit sgt.Tp i'll let God do His job.Aku buat kutukan hari hari korg tu sbgi pembakar semangat aku.Satu je aku nak.Bila aku berjaya,time tu la aku balas balik ape korg buat dekat aku.Tp aku just nk buat satu senyuman sinis yg boleh buat korang terasa sampai bila bila.Itu je.

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Luah semua dekat mama.

Harini tuition bio 4.30-6.30.Lepastu terus pergi iftar dengan ma and kawan kawan dia.Balik rumah 9.30.Sejam duduk dkt luar rumah sebab ma tak bawa kunci,papa keluar minum dengan kawan sebab tunggu kitorg balik lambat sgt.Last2 papa lupa kitorg haha.Lepastu borak dengan ma dalam kereta.Aku cerita pasal semua kwn kwn aku.Yang dekat ipoh,negeri sembilan.Aku borak ni takda lansung hasat dengki.Just muhasabah diri and nilai jenis jenis kwn yg aku ada.Dekat NS banyak sgt kwn yg tak ikhlas.Aku boleh nmpk diorg just kawan sebab aku ni anak org kaya.Ayah ada kereta sport.Itu je aku nmpk dari mata diorg.Especially lelaki.Tp ada yang ikhlas.Tp yang ikhlas pun,kalau diberi pilihan antara aku dengan lelaki,diorg akan pilih lelaki.Conclusionnya,dekat sini takda sorg pun rasa yg aku ni bff diorg.Im just a friend that is not important for them.Dekat ipoh,kwn kwn mmg sosial tp diorg ikhlas kawan dengan aku.Kwn dkt ipoh tak pernah tahu aku anak somebody.Diorg ikhlas je kwn.Pandai je jaga hati.Tp dulu aku ni sensitif and kuat gaduh,tu sbb aku tak sempat nak appreciate diorg.Now i know who's my real friends are..Aliaa pun..aku baru sedar.Die asyik gaduh dengan aku sebab lelaki.Aku ckp dkt ma,Aiman sorg je kwn aku dunia akhirat.Die selalu ade.Aku jahat pun dia still ada.From now onwards,aku akan pastikan,he will b my first priority.After my family.Aku tak kan fikir dah perasaan kwn kwn lain.Skrg goal aku,kena cemerlang spm.Lepastu syaza,InsyaAllah yr life would be better.Just move on.Terima je apa yg positif drpd mulut mulut kwn tu.Yg jahat tu simpan je la.Biar je diri tu sedih.Sebab bila sedih,solat lagi khusyuk.So biarkan..

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Menangis Dekat Sekolah

Semalam hari kedua budak budak einstein ejek aku.Aku tahu diorg bergurau tapi diorang over limit,sangat.Cerita dia aku nak ikut diorg pegi berbuka bukan sbb aku sebok ke ape tp sebab aku fikir kwn baik aku ade dkt situ lgpun tahun lepas aku kelas tu.Dulu beriye kwn baik aku pesan,dah masuk kelas first jgn sombong.Pastu aku yg over syg diorg.Tp diorg sikit pun tak backup aku.Diam je bila zul isyraf ejek.Zul ckp 'eh syaza ko takyah sebok la nk join' 'kitorg tak ajak ko la!' aku terasa sgt.Dah la perli depan cikgu.Budak2 perempuan lain gelak je ape yang zul ckp dkt aku.Budak2 newton dah pandang slack.Kita gabung kelas kan,korang tak tahu pemikiran budak newton mcm mna.Hanis ckp kat tiqah,syaza kena marah cikgu.Terus tiqah tanya aku betul ke tak.Cuba korg fikir bila korang ckp mcm tu apa tiqah farah akan fikir? Malu kot.Dah la zul tengking2 jerit2.Aku terasa sangat.Dah dua hari simpan.Last2 waktu balik aku ternangis jugak dekat sekolah.Hati aku,Ya Allah tuhan je tahu sakit dia macam mana.Rasa mcm kena khianat kwn sendiri.Aku melulu keluar dewan sambil tutup muka,nangis.Masuk kereta aku pandang tingkap je.Papa rasa something pastu die tanya bnyk gila soalan.Aku xboleh nk jawab sbb tahan nangis.Last2 papa tgk muka aku,pastu tanya knpe nangis.Aku diam je tak cakap sepatah pun.Sampai rumah aku nangis puas puas sampai buka puasa.Solat pun menitik2 air mata.Sakit hati sgt.Terluka gila.Pastu bila teringat balik ape diorg buat dkt aku,aku nangis balik.

Pastu aku muhasabah diri.Mungkin aku sakit hati sgt sbb aku tak melawan.Zul kurang ajar dengan aku tp aku diam,pendam.Aku terima jela ape korang nak cakap dekat aku.Aku dah besar.Aku tak terfikir nak gaduh.Tp,satu je.Aku takkan lupa apa korang buat dekat aku sampai aku mati.Dah habis form five nanti,aku tak kan jumpa korang lagi.Dan aku akan pastikan yang hidup aku akan lebih berjaya daripada korang.

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Thursday 26 July 2012

Good and bad in ramadhan

Good news and bad news in one solid day.Harini sepatutnya hari paling happy aku.Yela aku baru je pindah sekolah baru lepastu tadi cikgu panggil kata aku dinobatkan sebagai pelajar 4star lepastu dapat anugerah pengetua.Maybe isnin depan dekat perhimpunan.Aku rasa happy.Tapi bila dpt message dari aiman terus aku sakit hati gila.Tak sempat nak share berita happy ni dekat sapa2.Sempat bgtahu wanie sharifah jenny je.Aku bawa phone dekat sekolah harini sbb balik sekolah 4.10 then ada tuition 4.30-6.30 so aku bawa la papa suruh.Lepastu pukul 2 tu aku buka phone dekat class.Then baca message aiman.Die kata aku terpilih masuk PLKN.Die boleh ckp dgn nada happy?! Wth?? You tahu kan I tak nak pergi.Aku terus moody.Balik rumah marah2 kat adilah kawan convent.Sebab dia ckp aku dpt PLKN kat viber.Kat twitter kecoh kwn2 aku ckp aku dpt.Wtfff nak dekat 70 org kwn tahu kot.Then mama balik mama duduk kat aku tanya betul ke.Lepastu aku terus nangis.Tak tahan dah.Aku sakit hati rasa mcm dikhianat.Lepastu tweet2,solat pegi tuition biology.Lepastu semua kawan tuition tahu sbb aku sampai2 diorg serbu aku diorg tanya.Aku cuak nak tipu tak reti terus terjawab kena.Lagi skali nak ternangis kt tuition.Pastu diorg kata nama blh cancel kalau ade org dlm lepastu ade yg ckp dpt PLKN senang masuk U.Tah btl ke tak.Zzzz.Masa otw pg tuition baru kakak aku tahu.Weiii sedih gila!! Mlm aku nangis lg bawah kaki mama kat meja makan.Tengok ma je nak nangis.Sedih sgt.Lepastu aku rasa bersalah..Dkt aiman.Aku nak sgt minta maaf.Tp dia pun mcm..Marah.Aku dah la takut bila kena marah dgn dia.Mm.Nak buat apa tak tau.Lg la sedih.You,pls mkn ubat.Risau i you tengah demam tu

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Tuesday 10 July 2012

Thursday 28 June 2012

Karma.

Bila sedih,selalu mengadu dekat zain.Zain selalu ada masa untuk dengar.Muzzam pula selalu tak kesah.I je yang kena dgr masalah dia.Sometimes I tgh down gila tapi sebab dia cakap dia tgh takda mood.I yang pujuk dia.Dia jawab pendek2 jahat2 but I still put an effort to cheer him up.But he never care bout me.Harini ada,2/3 hari hilang.I think I shld let him go.And focus more on ppl who loves me.Like zain did.

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Tuesday 26 June 2012

An eventful day? Em 10 in 1

Too much drama today.First of all,sharifah brought digital camera to school today but too bad my friends here seriously shy camera.Cannot blame anyone.We manage to take like 3,4 pictures oni.Ill bring my cam on this Thursday which is on our school sports day.I bet my schl sports day gonna b seriously like shit lol bcause we didnt held it at the stadium.Just At Our School Field.Sad life bro.Em then during Pj subject,Sharifah,Husna and I went to primary school to get a milo free drink.Hilarious k no kidding lolol.Next,heard the book worms in my class 5Sc1 talking about men's body like six pack and stuff.Back hug,teasing the muscle,petite men.I was like...These book worm talkin bout mens bod and sex?! Walao.Sorry fr labelling u guys as a book worm.But u guys are..Em then at night.Ashmawie and I already patch up.Me and Muzzam,complicated as usual.Im so confused with him.Idk,but now i just go w the flow.If they arent the best fr me or I aint the best fr them,then ill go.As simple as that.K,Night fella.Oh by the way,I get lil annoyed with my junior.She added me on fb,follow me on twitter,instagram and blog but when we bumped at school,she make her stupidest face and act like she didnt know me.Pathetic k girls? Y u wasting ur friend space on fb,twitter and so on if u just added me bcse u want to stalk my profile and b nice to me through this social network but in the reality u act like such a coward diva.Chicken! So like PK.Sorry to say

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Saturday 23 June 2012

:-(

:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-( Sakit hati sangat.Tak pernah rasa macam ni but I still care abt u.But.. I think..Move on is the best solution. :-(

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Makin marah

Tadi result baru keluar dekat SAPS.I tengah happy gila bagitahu result dekat dia tapi dia tak balas message pun.Kata nak try balik elokkan relationship tapi bila mood tengah happy nak cakap balik,dia macam tu pula.Give up la.Maybe.. I should.. Move on..Without..You... Sadly.

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Thursday 21 June 2012

Is this love?

I felt terribly depressed at what happen between me and him.But I had an ego too.I agreed with what he suggested even I felt horribly sad abt it.I just afraid if after we distance ourself,things wont work out and end up breaking apart.What ever it is,im just hoping for better.

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Monday 18 June 2012

I hate you 3/4

I deleted his number,all his messages,his contact picture.Omg i seriously feel mad with you.After 3 years knowing you,when I started to trust you,care about you,when this feeling become so real,then only the true colours shown.Noboday can stand with a person who can't keep thier promises.You just made my dearly feeling towards you fading.Yes,you just made it.I give up.I don't want to hear anything from you.Not now not tmrw.Let us distace ourselves fr couple of weeks/months.I jusg dont need you at the moment.I meant it!
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Pathetic

Ya Allah sakitnya hati dengan Ashmawie ni urghhh!!!!!!!!!! Seriously if he keep doing this i gonna block him frm my fb,twitter,and everything.I am sick and tired of waiting,of being so patient,of being so nice and generous.This time i meant it! Dah malas nak kesah pasal hati you.I pun perlukan masa untuk pujuk hati ni.
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Sunday 17 June 2012

An option.

At last,dia tak pilih lelaki yang ego tapi dia sayang tu.Dia tak pilih lelaki yang dia dah kenal lama tapi selalu buat dia sakit hati tu.Tapi dia pilih lelaki yang bersungguh sayang dekat dia walaupun dia tak ada hati dekat lelaki tu.Sebab apa apa pun jadi,lelaki yg syg dia sungguh2 tu je yang ada dengan dia.
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..

Ya Allah.Dengan ashmawie ni lg la bengang.Seriously gave up of being so nice to people.Malas sembang apa dah lepas ni.Lantak kamu la.
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Hm

Ya Allah ego nya Muzzam.Hm I gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up gave up! *Sigh
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Friday 8 June 2012

Missing

Semalam,I rasa sedih sangat.I've been too kind to my friends sampai diorg pijak kepala I.I kept thinking bout wht she said to me.I tak boleh tidur smpi pukul 5.Nampak seth dekat instant messenger,I tegur la 'akmal'.Mmg dari dulu panggil dia akmal sebab tak reti nak sebut seth.Bila I IM dgn dia mesti dia ingatkan balik I pasal 2tahun lepas.Dia cakap pasal what I used to called him.Dia cakap pasal apa yang I tak suka pasal dia.He remind me everything that we used to do together.Lepastu dia tinggal phone number dia.I was like... Too bad,I tengah sedih so I tak save pun number dia.But sometimes I do miss him.It doesn't mean I want him back,it's just tht I missed our memories.He is the sweetest thing of all la.Everytime kitorg borak,he never fail to make me smile or laugh.I love the new me but I miss my old life.Mm
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Tuesday 29 May 2012

Best Friend Is Actually Hard To Find

I felt a little bit sad bcse sekarang I had no time for myself.Diary dah tak sempat tulis.Gambar banyak tak print.I dah tak tulis benda benda yang best berlaku kepada I dekat diary or calendar.I dah tak ada masa untuk boyfriend I.And yang paling sedih,ni bukan sebab diri I tapi kawan I.She used to be my closes friend but now she ditch me just like that.I tahu I dah pindah dari Ipoh and she also moved to Johor but..She should not do that to me cause I always text her,worried bout her,missing her tapi dia happy2 je dengan kawan dia yang lain.Best friend die after I moved to Negeri Sembilan.Dia boleh bbm hari hari,boleh buat lawak bodoh dengan kawan2 yang lain.But when i text her or whatsapp her,dia tak bagi response.Tanya kawan lain,diorg kata dia tak ada credit.Lepastu masalah die,die sorok dari I.Dia bagi tahu kawan baik dia yang lepas I pindah tu.I felt very disapointed on her.I gave up.Lepas ni pandai pandai lah dia cari I.Gonna delete her phone number soon.I mean now. :'( Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

Himpunan Belia Mei 26,2012

How I wish I was big enough to go to Himpunan Belia with my friends.My sis being so unsupportive when we were at Himpunan Belia last time.Dia tahu nak diam je,jalan cepat,and macam dia tu jalan sorang.I seriously did not enjoy going there with her.Nak pergi booth pendidikan pun she was like 'lambat lagi,takde ape pon'.Tak menggunakan kemudahan yang terbentang luas,jelas depan mata.Tapi dalam yang buruk tu ada juga yang baik.Dia tak marah marah I dekat sana.She stay cool walaupun I banyak nak stop situ sini.Masa himpunan belia tu diorg buat rusuhan aman.Very unite and apa diorg buat tu agak gempak la.And booth yang dibuka dekat sana memang best.Ada activity wipe out mcm dekat AXN tu,booth yang online shop memang banyak and semua yang dijual sangat lawa.I got tons of compliment about my flat shoes.Dengan JomHeboh lagi.Tapi this year tak ada semangat pun nak pegi JomHeboh.Selisih dengan artis pun rasa tak ada apa.Mybe sebab sekarang I baru sedar yang artis ni hanya gah pada nama,tapi dari segi pencapaian,they are nothing more than an ordinary people.Now,I lagi excited if i have an opportunity to meet Dr.Mahathir ke tokoh2 lain ke.Meeting them is so priceless.Really hope tahun depan ada Himpunan Belia lagi.
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Chemistry between me and Hanis about Aizat.

Tadi teacher Humie suruh tanda kertas Biology Paper 2.While me tengah dok leka terangkan benda dekat Hanis,ada la orang panggil Syaza,Syaza banyak kali.Suara macam cam.Pastu aku dengan Hanis fikir orang yang sama so kitorg sama-sama bulatkan mata and cepat cepat pandang belakang.Memang betul Aizat yang panggil.Before this dia tak pernah cakap dengan aku sebab masa mula mula aku masuk class 5sc1 ni,classmate aku gossipkan aku dengan dia.Kitorg jadi tak bertegur pasal tu.Tadi tiba2 dia panggil tanya kertas dia ada dekat aku tak sebab selalunya kertas die mesti aku yang dapat.Pastu kertas aku dekat dia.Ni semua kerja classmate aku la.Suka menyakat.Pasal Aizat ni aku tak kesah tapi aku rasa kelakar masa aku dengan Hanis buat muka gelabah dan kelam masa Aizat panggil haha.
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